Mom-Hack Monday (On Tuesday)

chev 2Today’s “hack” is pretty simple. I’m just going to share my cleaning schedule. WHEN I stay on this schedule, my life is 100x easier.

I am not currently on this schedule. Being out of town and then a little under the weather all weekend has thrown me way out of whack. My goal for this week is to get caught up on cleaning/LAUNDRY and at some point finish planning Aiden’s lego party. Just four days away. No big deal.

So anyway. Back to my cleaning schedule that I don’t follow. IMG_1155Pretty simple. If you, unlike me, own a printer and want to type it so it’s not so messy, it might look a little better. Close-ups:IMG_5732IMG_9451I have this taped inside my cabinet that holds my coffee cups, so it’s the first thing I see each morning.

That’s it for this week’s Mom-Hack Monday on Tuesday! Next week, I’ll talk about:

Meal Planning for Dummies!

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broken.

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So, I’m in Tennessee this week with our church’s youth group. I’m surrounded by hundreds of the most amazing students and leaders I’ve ever met at this event called HSC. (High School Camp)

Before Monday, I knew maybe three of the two hundred people from our church alone. Those who know me, know that something like this is WAYYYYY out of my comfort zone. I hate being uncomfortable and feel awkward around people I don’t know. The last few weeks I’ve been filled with anxiety while planning and praying for this trip. I’ve been asking God to please explain to me HOW IN THE WORLD he wants me to lead these girls when I’m so lost and broken myself?

I say that I’m broken. Who isn’t? Who DOESN’T have some sort of “brokenness” in their lives?

God uses our brokenness, our faults, our imperfections, and our fears to tell His epic story just like He uses our victories.

Maybe broken isn’t the word. I’m not sure. All I know is that with all of the stupid mistakes I’ve made in my life, I wasn’t confident coming into this week that I was the type of influence these girls so desperately needed.

The first night, I figured out why I’m here. The kids were instructed to take the biggest lies that the world has taught them to believe about themselves and write it on the bottom of their shoes. This way they could walk around on them the rest of the week. The lies they came up with instantly brought me back to myself ten years ago.

Ugly. Fat. Freak. Slutty. Different. Misunderstood. Useless. Stupid. Weird.

The list went on.

These girls are me. We are the same. Ten years later and I STILL struggle with these same insecurities. THIS is why God made everything line up perfectly so I could be able to be here. I was here to show these girls that God is so much bigger than their insecurities.

I could feel my heart breaking as they were listing off these insecurities without pause. Why is it that we as human beings are so full of negativity and judgment that we can cause a young girl to hate herself and be so insecure before she has even started high school?

In that moment, I realized that I’m not as broken as I tend to believe I am. One of my girls suggested that we make a list comparing how we sometimes view ourselves and how God sees us. This is what they came up with:

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Think before you open your mouth to call that quiet girl beside you a “weirdo.” Maybe she’s just too shy to make friends. Pause before joking about that “fat” or “ugly” girl, your words will follow her for many, many years. That “freak” you commented under your breath about? She’s beginning to believe that being different is a bad thing instead of believing that she’s fearfully and wonderfully made to be unique by her Creator.

My girls are about to enter their first year of high school, so I’ll leave you with what I left them with after our small group discussion tonight:

“I will show up and take care of you as I promised. I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG)

Balancing Marriage & Motherhood: Torrie

Welcome to my newest series, Balancing Marriage & Motherhood! I’m super excited to have contributions from wives and mothers from all walks of life. There will be two posts a day between now and Saturday, make sure to come back and check out their posts here, as well as checking out their personal blogs. Like what you read? Share it with your friends. You never know, you may be helping someone who’s afraid to ask for it.

invite.jpg 7When I was asked by Taylor to be part of this series, I couldn’t imagine what I’d say on the subject. Thinking about ways I tried to balance being mother and wife made me wish I had some easy answers to share like they  do in children’s fairy tales that start out by saying…“Once upon a time…” and end with, “…and they lived happily ever after.”  I guess most of us started off the same way as Cinderella and her prince……we met our partner, got caught up in the romance of things, etc. and that’s our “Once upon a time.”  After that, there isn’t an instruction manual, a right way, or a wrong way….it’s just us trying to make our own happily ever after through trial and error, some sheer luck, and a lot of hard work and determination.   Cinderella probably looked back on her days scrubbing floors as “the good old days” after she tried balancing marriage and motherhood for a while!

Before we go much further, it needs to be said that I’m a control freak – I need order and I don’t do well in unplanned situations.   Hence, a lot of the things I’ve done to balance the mother/wife sides of me have come out of this trait. In Cinderella’s story, for example, that end phrase, “…happily ever after,” leaves a lot of grey area and assumption out there that makes me uncomfortable.   Whose definition of ‘happily ever after’ are we talking about?  No one ever gives us the details of how Cinderella and her prince got on after they went to live in the castle.   We don’t know how she got along with his parents, whether he spent his nights drinking with his knights instead of being home with her, whether she spent  too much of the prince’s money on silly stuff at the shops, or who did midnight diaper duty on the nights when the nanny was off.   

In my own ‘happily ever after’, when my sons were smaller and my husband was working and going to school, I took great pains to keep the boys on very strict schedules to maximize what time I had with my husband and so that he got some time with the boys each day that he could enjoy that wouldn’t interrupt his sleep or studies.   Later, when my oldest son wasn’t a baby anymore, I invented the rule that said 30 to 60 minutes before his bedtime was ROOM TIME.  ROOM TIME was his time but also the beginning of OUR time in the evening.   Each night, before ROOM TIME arrived, we had snack-and-a-book time, brushed teeth, did bathroom trips, and tucked him up.  He was then given a block of time when he could read or play quietly in his room before going to sleep.  In that time, he was to stay in his room or risk having to go directly to bed. As he grew, the time that he had to go to his room never changed, but the block of time that he could stay up before sleep is where bedtime adjustments were made.   

Believe it or not, all the way through my first son’s years at home and now still with our second son born a dozen years after his brother and currently in the midst of his teen years, ROOM TIME is still in force.   We’ve found that the boys depend on that guaranteed quiet time of their own and it really does signify the beginning of my evening with my husband where we can still live and plan the fairy tale that once was and actually still is.  

Even now, there really isn’t ever a time when the boys are home that they don’t know when it’s time for us to have OUR TIME and they need to disappear.   This isn’t to say that we don’t ever invite them into OUR TIME for a family movie night or some such thing, but it is definitely an INVITATION-ONLY event when it comes over into OUR TIME.  I think just the fact that the boys grow to a point where they recognize that it really isn’t about ROOM TIME for them but OUR TIME for us says a lot about how successful this has been for us and I actually quite like the fact that our boys have grown up with the role model that says:

WE’RE STILL IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO MAKE TIME FOR OURSELVES EVERY SINGLE DAY.      

What better thing could I teach them about living happily ever after than to be strict about taking time for each other?     

TORRIE who has…..

…One married and out of the house,

…One still at home, 

…Newfound outlets for my writing in this WordPress world and in my writer’s club,

…Been surprised to find that your forties are fabulous (so far anyway),

…Been working on my own happily ever after for 28 years!  

 Check out Torrie’s blog at http://www.apromptreply.wordpress.com/

 

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Balancing Marriage & Motherhood: Marianne

Welcome to my newest series, Balancing Marriage & Motherhood! I’m super excited to have contributions from wives and mothers from all walks of life. There will be two posts a day between now and Saturday, make sure to come back and check out their posts here, as well as checking out their personal blogs. Like what you read? Share it with your friends. You never know, you may be helping someone who’s afraid to ask for it.

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I met Chris in January of 2012, and it’s been a beautiful disaster ever since. ( I still can’t spell beautiful without saying it in my head the way Jim Carrey did in Bruce Almighty). Anyway, the beautiful is: Chris and I said I love you after the 2nd date (even though I knew he was the one on our first date, we met through a friend, but we talked on the phone and texted a few weeks prior). I moved in with him 2 months after that, and just 5 months later we found out that I was pregnant with twins, who turned out to be amazing little boys!

The disaster part: a couple months before the boys were born his car took the plunge (leaving us, still to this day with only one-two door car),

We’ve been through four moves (technically homeless once after the boys we’re born), a whole bunch of family drama(resulting in me having no one in my family that I can trust to watch the boys, or even turn to when we need help), and back in December of 2013 he was laid off leaving us for 4 months with no income, not to mention being parents for the first time to premature twins!

I know it might come off like I’m trying to throw a pity party, and trust me I’m not, I couldn’t even afford the invitations.

The reason I’m admitting this is because I don’t think it’s about balancing a relationship with motherhood, as much as I think it’s about depending on that person to help guide you through motherhood (or other difficult chapters you might have to go through in our life).

So my first and most important tip, this being one of the only tips I can say I follow is …..DON’T FORGET THAT YOU ARE IN THIS TOGETHER!

I mean isn’t that the whole reason we get in relationships anyway, to have someone to get through life with? Chris and I have been through so much in our relationship, but because of everything we’ve been through I know we could get through anything. I could not be as good of a mother as I am, if Chris wasn’t in the picture. I stay at home with the boys and there’s been a couple times that I’ve called Chris at work and just broke down and cried on the phone because I was so frustrated, and had to get it out. Does he always respond the way I want him to? No, of course not, that’s why we argue, because we’re different people, and it’s expected. But, looking back the only important thing, was that he was there for me!

Which brings me to my second tip…..DON’T TAKE EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED! Chris also made me a mother, and there’s no better bond than creating little people that are the future, and turning to him and saying “Jax has your eyes” or “Remember when we were driving home from the hospital (our first car ride with Jason), we heard a noise and frantically pulled over in a chili’s parking lot because we thought he was choking, I was crying, freaking out, you were yelling only to discover it was just a burp, and he was perfectly fine”.

mar

Marianne Zelisko is a new blogger at mommytotwinboys

Check me out at:

My blog (WordPress) – http://mommytotwinboys.wordpress.com/

Instagram- http://instagram.com/momoftwinsjaxjason

In the process of improving our lives while living one day at a time, at the age of 24, keeping my sanity with my twin boys Jax and Jason.

Balancing Marriage & Motherhood: Calli

Welcome to my newest series, Balancing Marriage & Motherhood! I’m super excited to have contributions from wives and mothers from all walks of life. There will be two posts a day between now and Saturday, make sure to come back and check out their posts here, as well as checking out their personal blogs. Like what you read? Share it with your friends. You never know, you may be helping someone who’s afraid to ask for it.

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So I was approached a few days ago by my friend Taylor over at Not Just Another Teen Mom about writing another feature piece for her blog. The series is called “Balancing Marriage & Motherhood.” I have to admit, I was a little bit skeptical about writing for it at first.

For those of you who don’t know, this ain’t my first rodeo with marriage. I was married to my son’s father and made plenty of mistakes. I am now married to the wonderful man in the picture above and I couldn’t possibly be any happier (as if that isn’t obvious from the stupid grin on my face). It hasn’t always been easy and God only knows how many obstacles we’ve had to overcome, but it has most certainly been worth it.

I have made plenty of mistakes in the area of marriage and motherhood and still do. What kind of advice could I possibly have to offer?!

Then I thought, “Oh, but I have plenty I could talk about! There are a lot of things I’ve done to ensure my hubby doesn’t feel left out…” 

I was totally going to write some of the things a lot of the other women have told you about: date nights, spending quality time together, doing things as a family, etc. Those are all wonderful things to do, but then I thought, “Nahhh…” 

So I’m here to shake things up a bit. I’m going to be flat out blunt.

1. Stop being selfish. 

It’s not all about you. Yeah, maybe you do stay up with the kids at night more frequently than he does and I’m sure you’d love a foot or back rub every now and then. Maybe you spent your day cleaning up puke and washing crayons off the walls. Maybe you are stressed because of something that happened at your job and then that stress was compounded by the fact that your son’s principal called you because Little Johnny skipped third period.

But tell me, do you ever take into consideration how hard your husband busts his ass or the stresses he may have encountered that day? Does he work long hours or night shift? Does he have a job that requires a lot of physical exertion? Does he work in an office setting where he maybe deals with an incompetent boss? Is he on his feet all day?

Stop thinking about yourself. Every person has their own struggles and you can’t possibly know what the other person’s struggles are if you are too busy being caught up in your own. Your needs are no more important than his and that is something that should be recognized and demonstrated on a daily basis – especially because he is your spouse.

I do my best to do this every day, but I’m human and sometimes I fail. Sometimes I’ve had a day where it feels like absolutely nothing has gone right and I’m tired and stressed and I don’t want to cook and the kids are being evil… and my husband sees all of that and he then puts my needs ahead of his own. He will suggest ordering a pizza or going to pick up dinner. He helps with getting the kids into bed. He pours me a glass of wine, pulls up Neflix, and puts his arm around me while I rest my head on his shoulder.

So I always keep that in mind when it comes to him. I will cook his favorite meal. I pick up a new beer for him from a local microbrewery when I’m at the grocery store. I leave him alone (for the most part) when he retreats to his “mancave” for a few hours. I rub his back and stroke his hair at night before he falls asleep and wake up early with him in the morning so we can sit in bed and drink coffee together.

2. Ditch the social media. 

Yes, I know that Facebook is an absolutely wonderful way to stay in touch with your family and friends who are both near and far, but posting a photo of the kids doesn’t require you checking your apps 9,856,783,467 times a day. Especially if it’s a day when you and your spouse are home at the same time!!!

We have a “no phones at the table” policy in our house. It really only applies to my husband and I, considering our kids are only 3 and 1 and a half.  But it helps us connect as a family. We also apply that rule to our date nights. Obviously we bring our phones in case of emergency, but we don’t take them out unless we need to.

Social media is so convenient. You can catch up with the latest on friends and family, chat with people, update family on new life changes, upload photos of the kids, worry yourself sick reading parenting articles, spend too much time analyzing a comment or “Like” from someone, or post passive aggressive status updates regarding “someone” not taking out the trash, “again.”

If you know more about the life of someone who went to kindergarten with your sister’s boyfriend’s mom than you do about what’s new with your spouse, you have a problem.

3. Remember that you and your spouse came before the kids. 

While I know this may not always be the case, you should still act as if it is true (in my opinion). Your children will always be your children. They didn’t have a choice in who their parents are. They will always love you. However, your spouse DID choose you and they can also make the decision to leave. Make spending time with them a priority.

I’m going to add in an excerpt from a post I wrote a few months ago:

“Want to know the secret to having a happy marriage?

The trick is making a conscious effort. Marriage takes a lot of work – it doesn’t maintain itself. You have to get up every day and think “I’m going to do everything I can to put a smile on their face,” and then DO IT. Treat your spouse the EXACT way you want to be treated. It’s as simple as that. Being kind, courteous, considerate, and respectful can go a long way. This is true of any relationship.”

“As his wife, I want nothing more than to see my husband happy. If I have to do a little bit of work to make that happen, then you’re damn right I’m going to do it – even if he doesn’t ask me to.

After all, marriage is about one thing: love.

‘LOVE: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.’” 

 

And I’m out.

*Drops mic*

call

Calli

Happily married!

Stay at home mom to two beautiful children.

In my early 20s.

Amature photographer.

Amature blogger.

Fitness enthusiast.

Breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering, semi-crunchy momma!

Check out Calli’s blog at http://www.beenwashingdishes.wordpress.com

 

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Balancing Marriage & Motherhood: Jenn

Welcome to my newest series, Balancing Marriage & Motherhood! I’m super excited to have contributions from wives and mothers from all walks of life. There will be two posts a day between now and Saturday, make sure to come back and check out their posts here, as well as checking out their personal blogs. Like what you read? Share it with your friends. You never know, you may be helping someone who’s afraid to ask for it.

invite.jpg 4Moms all over the world nodded their heads in agreement as they read an Honest Toddler Blog that went viral recently.  It illustrated five minutes in a mom’s head–a constant stream of everything from finding pacifiers, feeding a toddler to dreaming of naps and Netflix. It wasn’t until the second time I read it did I realize that short of pondering if the messy bedroom equates a troubled marriage, the husband wasn’t mentioned once. I am sure he is there somewhere, hovering in the background of our thoughts. Knowing we need to make him a priority, but not sure how and when.

When a twosome becomes a threesome and the first child enters the picture, it seems as if the husband goes from being a leading man to a supporting actor. It’s like Brad Pitt being re-cast with Ty Burrell. My husband I were together a total of 16 years before we brought our son into this world. That’s a lot of time being a twosome, which meant I had a lot of work to do on how to make our new threesome work.

First order of business was to realize that we will never be how and who we were before. It’s just not possible and it is totally okay. We had to find a way to stop “getting back to the way things used to be” and start creating what will be now. I was desperate to make my husband and our marriage a top priority, knowing we would be better parents for it.

Book at Least Three Date Nights a Month

You’ll inevitably cancel a couple, so this way you are guaranteed to get one in. Leave the kids with a sitter you trust implicitly so you can truly be present during your date. Be inspired about it–skip the dinner and movie and go roller skating or bowling. Put three ideas in separate envelopes and let your husband choose, then go all Let’s Make a Deal and make the offer to let him trade in that date night for a new one or to keep this one.

Engage in any activity that allows you to be physically aware of each other. Our date nights usually start the same way every time, my husband and I sitting in our car and saying how much we don’t want to go. We’re tired, we’ll miss him, we have so much other more important stuff we should be doing. But we always go and by the third sip of wine, we are always so grateful that we did.

The Kids are Half His

I write this fully aware that you are rolling your eyes at this statement, thinking, ‘um duh, of course they are half his.’ Then make him feel that. I was at a friend’s house the other night indulging in some wine and much needed girl chat. Over some brownies, she painted a picture of her lazy husband who never helped with the kids. It was her against the world.

She was about three Chardonnay’s in when her babe started crying from the bedroom. Her husband came upstairs and indicated she should stay with me and he would go up and check on the baby. She was already on her feet and told him not to bother because he didn’t know how to get him back to sleep anyway. It wasn’t overly snarky, just sounded more like a general fact.

He didn’t put up a fight and slinked away with his head down like a kicked puppy. Sound familiar?  How many times have you corrected your husband when he is feeding the kids or putting the baby in the stroller? “He doesn’t like that. She prefers strained peas, not the carrots.” You know you can mend a skinned knee and give cuddles better. Of course, you can. You are the mom. That doesn’t mean you always should. Your kids will not suffer because their dad took 5 minutes instead of 2 to figure out the car seat. Let him help you. Let him be there for your kids and bond with him in HIS way. It sets a great example for boys who will be fathers someday and gives you a little break. Yes, it means giving up a little control, but it will be well worth it. (I can’t wait for my hubs to read this –I am a big offender of this one.)

 You Can’t Talk Too Much

Tell him everything. Don’t wait for the perfect moment or when you both have a few spare hours. It won’t happen. Share what you are feeling when you feel it and be specific. Share that you need more help at bath time or that you are deprioritizing housework to make your marriage more of a priority. We have a minor health issue happening with my son right now. Minor to the outside world, but very major to me. My husband was just not getting how scared I was. I had to tell him exactly how I needed him to be there for me. I need you to come to every appointment. If you HAVE to miss an appointment, I need you text and call to ask me how it went and just hold me a little longer that day.

Other Quick Tips

  • Close the bathroom door–conduct your business in private
  • Binge watch Friday Night Lights together–who doesn’t want to be more like Coach Eric and Tami Taylor
  • Brag about all of things he does right to your friends and then tell him those things
  • Surround yourself with other happily married couples
  • BUT, don’t compare yourselves. The Jones’ no longer care if you keep up with them.

And just try. All any of us can do is try to be the best versions of ourselves we can be. Being a parent is HARD. Being a happily married parent is even harder, don’t forget to raise a glass everyone now and then to celebrate how far you have come.

jenn

Jenn Kovacs is an expert on nothing, but has an opinion on everything. She is a 30-something working mom, raising her 4-month-old son, Cashton, with her husband, Steve in the suburbs of Chicago. She fancies peanut butter, books and “What TV Character Are You?” online quizzes. Her life ramblings can be found at http://www.justjennyfromtheblog.wordpress.com. You can follow her on Twitter @jennkovacs and find her on Insta at jkovacs22.

Balancing Marriage & Motherhood: Lila

Welcome to my newest series, Balancing Marriage & Motherhood! I’m super excited to have contributions from wives and mothers from all walks of life. There will be two posts a day between now and Saturday, make sure to come back and check out their posts here, as well as checking out their personal blogs. Like what you read? Share it with your friends. You never know, you may be helping someone who’s afraid to ask for it.

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So when I saw this title and was given the opportunity to write another guest blog my first thought was ‘oh heck no, I’m a crappy wife!’

After some thought, I decided that maybe I’d learn something if I went ahead and looked into my feeble attempt at balancing wifely duties and being a momma.

Quick background story of me and the hubs …..
We met on MySpace (it’s this really old web page that people used before Facebook). Married in April of 2009, my mother passed away July of 2009. Between then and 2011, a good friend and other family/friends passed away and my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage in 2011. Somewhere in there, my husband was let go from his near twenty-year employer and his parents’ health started to deteriorate. In October 2012, we were blessed with our son and soon after my husband lost his job once again. This time my husband had the hardest job in the world … He was caring for his parents, making medical decisions, and missing out on a lot of his sons first milestones. At this time we also lost our house and moved in with my father. In June of 2013, his father passed away and a few weeks later his mother was placed in an assisted living home due to dementia.

So in 5 years we have been though what most couples go through in … I don’t know, maayyyyybe 20 years! Did we balance it out well … Hell no!! I was with our son, he was with his parents and we let US go! Despite a lot of hard times, I stood by his side as his wife!

Fast forward to now, we are back living on our own, making every effort to be husband and wife, and everyone is employed.  ;) Actually, hubby is working two jobs, and I’m so proud of him for all that he has done for his family.

On my end, to be his wife I do my best to have an open heart, open mind and accept all of him. Making some time for us as a couple is something we are still working on. We try to do date nights and not just a trip to Walmart! I have some weird mommy guilt for leaving my child behind since I work full time, so it’s often a struggle to get me out of the house. We have gone to a few baseball games and a painting date night. Movies! We have gone to a few movies too! I have to remember he came first and he is the reason I am a mommy to this amazing little person. My main concern is always the well being of my child, but I have to remember to care for my husband also! I make sure there is good food in the fridge, pantry and got back to cooking dinners for him since he works late evenings and isn’t home with us. Even when I’m exhausted, I try to listen to his day, tell him about mine and encourage him when times get hard.

I asked my husband for some input and here’s what I got:
”One thing I admire and hate at the same time is you put us first and sometimes you should be a little selfish and take care of you.”
”You let me sleep in the morning knowing I work late.”
“Sometimes you say things that are mean and hurtful making me think you don’t want me.”
Of course there were requests of the more intimate kind, but it was good to talk about those things freely! No one got upset. No arguments happened. Just good old fashioned communication!

The man I married is always on my mind and in my thoughts with every decision I make. He’s my biggest support and I’m his! I love my 2 men!lia

 

Lila Reulet is the blogger over at Just My Ramblings. Check it out at http://daisyblogger.wordpress.com

Short, Sweet and Simple!! That’s kinda me! I’m short, love deeply and enjoy the simple things in life. I have had some WILD adventures and I like to write about them! Hope you enjoy! Also I can’t spell so have fun with that

 

Balancing Marriage & Motherhood: Rochelle

Welcome to my newest series, Balancing Marriage & Motherhood! I’m super excited to have contributions from wives and mothers from all walks of life. There will be two posts a day between now and Saturday, make sure to come back and check out their posts here, as well as checking out their personal blogs. Like what you read? Share it with your friends. You never know, you may be helping someone who’s afraid to ask for it.

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Tips to being super woman on the inside  :)after all it’s what’s in the inside that accounts most!  These are a few tips that come to my mind when balancing marriage with motherhood.

1.  Affirmations
Take moments throughout my day where affirmations are spoken out loud in the mirror with full eye contact.  There’s something magical that happens when you can look yourself straight in the eyes and say ” I am powerful, I am Healthy and strong ”  ” yes I can accomplish ________” fill in the blank to suit your needs.

 Our words have amazing strength and energy, choose them wisely!  Keeping my self talk on a positive note, allows me to see that I am both a wonderful wife and magnificent mother.

There moments in a Mother’s Day where using affirmations can turn a harsh moment into a tolerable one and helps with the transfer between wife and mother.

2.  Mindset Training
On average I spent about an hour reading and listening to audios that feed my positive mental attitude.

How do I fit this in?

Upon waking I will listen to an 11 minute audio that I recorded with my phone, this helps me with my meditation and setting the intentions for my approaching day.  When it comes to reading, I just read aloud to my children while they play and again to myself after they are asleep.  I find that keeping this habit on a daily basis encourages easier transitions between wife and mother, gives me a foundation that I am good enough and filled with super “mife” powers!

3.  Delegate chores and play games with children to help instil good work ethics into the fiber of the being.  Let’s face it there will always be laundry and dishes, it’s a skill worth teaching.  Keeping in mind it takes time and patience to hone these skills, so sometimes the end results require a little be of extra guidance to observe the details.  The secret is being happy with what does get accomplished for the day, this is far more empowering and motivating  than tearing myself down for not getting the whole “list” completed !  Children grow faster, a pristine house will happen later in life !

4.  Communication is a must in both parenting and marriage !

At the dinner table we share “happy”, “sad” & ” “Favorite” moments of the day.
This habit keeps our family connected in effective communication on a daily basis and in check with how everyone is doing.  I find that being able to express effectively keeps both journeys of wife and mother manageable and fun!  There are times when I can freely express that I need a mommy time out or that there are more proactive ways of dealing with your emotions and feelings.  This communication habit alone has created a more peaceful household and less sibling rivalry.

Being open with my husband and being able to share my inner feelings, thoughts and ideas has created a strong bond between us over the last 12 years.  We have yet to have a “fight” because we take the time to connect, allowing us more time for laughs and good memories.  We are invested in the well being of each other, this a vow we took when finding out about Zane’s arrival.   That is a story to be shared another time.

5. Personal Time

Taking time to just be me helps the balancing between marriage and motherhood. Having time to just be quiet in the garden or writing posts, taking a hot bath alone or a laps in the pool, my early morning walking time also adds to the habit of keeping my attitude of gratitude alive and nourished !

Using these 5 simple tips keeps my marriage strong and my family growing forward, they make my balancing act between wife, mother and just being me.

In closing…My husband and I will have “meetings” on a regular basis to keep connected on a intimate level.  We chat about how this time in our lives requires much energy in raising our babes and how we want to do the best we can for them.  We have worked upon this attitude of gratitude, where we cherish the quick blissful moments as husband and wife knowing that in time we will have more space for being a husband and a wife.  Keeping our expectations low and learning at a high, keeps that growing forward attitude !

Parenting is the biggest challenge I’ve come to at this point in my life, it’s a path of personal growth and it pays to align yourself with others that support your growth!

Appreciate your kind words, follows, likes and shares !

rochelle

I’m Rochelle from Better Believers!

I am a Manifesting Mama of three boys and
I am home full time life learning along side of them.  Sometimes I am the one being taught,
honestly that’s usually the case!

I love to read and write blog posts!

I am inspired to help others see their power within and
how their thoughts are creating their experience!

I get excited to help others with creating more freedom and ways to use systems to create more abundance…
I believe that life is meant to be lived and experienced!

Balancing Marriage & Motherhood: Val

Welcome to my newest series, Balancing Marriage & Motherhood! I’m super excited to have contributions from wives and mothers from all walks of life. There will be two posts a day between now and Saturday, make sure to come back and check out their posts here, as well as checking out their personal blogs. Like what you read? Share it with your friends. You never know, you may be helping someone who’s afraid to ask for it. invite.jpg 2

We are a military family. For me, that means that I am mommy, daddy, wife, housekeeper, chef, mechanic, landscaper, boo boo kisser…superwoman, really…more often than not. And that’s totally ok! I’m proud to be an Army wife and I wouldn’t trade it (usually) for the world.
But it does pose some stress on our marriage, and it forces me to find a much needed balance between being wife and mommy. I often times get so used to it being just myself and my son, Conner, that when my husband comes home from schools, training and deployments, I have to remember that I have someone to take care of my needs again and that I have another’s needs to care for…again. And those needs are far different from those of my two-year-old’s.
Derek and I have learned, especially over the past year, that making time for our marriage is important…but not always so easy even when he’s home. We are stationed so far from family and close friends, and babysitters are so hard to come by, that date nights out are a real treat for us. We don’t often get that quality time sans kiddo, so we’ve really had to learn to work with what we can do.
One night, last summer, after Derek had returned from an eight month deployment, we were in desperate need of some real, quality time. Lacking a babysitter, we were struggling with how to make that time, and I was desperately trying to readjust to being a wife with a husband I could actually spend time with. Then the idea struck me…couch dates! We have cable onDemand with the ability to rent movies and I had just learned how to make pretty perfect stove-top popcorn, so I could work with it. We put Conner to bed and loaded the couch up with fluffy pillows. Derek dimmed the lights while I made a giant bowl of popcorn and we searched onDemand for a movie we hadn’t gotten to see in theaters while Derek was gone (not that we get to go often anyway). Curled up on the couch, snacking and relaxing, it was the first time in a long time that I felt connected with my husband…and felt like his wife again.
Derek and I have since made couch dates a monthly occurrence when we can. And when he’s been gone for a few weeks or months, it’s the first thing we do together when he comes home. They’ve really become a special part of our marriage and a way for us to stay connected…or to reconnect, when we need to. Even just a simple night on the couch, with the intent of it being a “date”, can really help with that balance between mommy and wife. It’s a great way to let yourself fall into the roll of wife, while falling into the arms of the one you love :)
valVal Detweiler is the author of the blog This Whole Mommy Thing. A twenty-something Army wife and stay at home mom to two-year-old Conner, she is currently expecting her second child due this Fall. Val is a crafter, nail polish collector and glitter addict who loves good food and wet baby kisses…and Pinot Grigio when she isn’t pregnant. You can find Val on Instagram @thiswholemommything and visit her blog at www.thiswholemommything.blogspot.com

 

 

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Balancing Marriage & Motherhood: Karnam

Welcome to my newest series, Balancing Marriage & Motherhood! I’m super excited to have contributions from wives and mothers from all walks of life. There will be two posts a day between now and Saturday, make sure to come back and check out their posts here, as well as checking out their personal blogs. Like what you read? Share it with your friends. You never know, you may be helping someone who’s afraid to ask for it.

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3 Must-Do’s for Your Honey-Do

As mothers, it’s really easy to slip into our children’s constant enchantments. From the moment my three daughters were born, they stole my heart and the majority of my attention. With my devotion focused on raising children, there have been times I’ve neglected my husband’s needs as a partner. A byproduct of lack of attention created feelings of rejection and feeling unloved. A few times I’ve heard the whisper of hurt feelings, “when is it my turn”, “did I lose my wife”, “hello, I exist!”

In my inexperienced early wife years, I didn’t really understand what it meant to be a wife in general, let alone making extra time for my husband who was in the thick of parenthood with me. We were a team and surely he would understand the demand on my time from our kids.

Looking back I wish I was equipped with understanding, but we live and learn so I’m going to share these three very powerful must-do’s for your honey-do – because he needs you and your attention.

Must-Do 1– Let him know you’re thinking about him.

Sneak some special one on one time any chance you get. Sneak a kiss behind the fridge, whisper encouraging words in the hall as you run by. Do whatever it takes to let your husband know you’re thinking about him.

Must-Do 2 – Set an early bed time a couple times a week.

This is a big one. Having an extra hour before we fall out of consciousness can lead to some very intimate and rewarding time you and your husband need. Make this a firm time that you both can agree on. Put the kids to bed, lock the door, and block out all unnecessary noise.

(A side note for this one, my husband resisted this, he did not understand what I was trying to do at first, but with some insistence and encouragement he finally put the tablet away and started joining me in the bedroom. He was rewarded appropriately and needless to say, he is now the one hour pre-bedtime enforcer.)

Must-Do 3 – Affirmations are key!

Your words are a powerful tool and you can make someone’s day with positive affirmations. We all need this, and a few positive words at the beginning or end of the day can make your husband feel appreciated and loved.

Here’s what I do:

When my husband comes home from work, I go running to him and tell him how much I missed him and tell him he’s loved and appreciated.  This puts a giant smile on his face and he now does the same for me when I come home.

Your husband, partner, is part of you and as much as he loves being a father he equally loves being your husband. Keep him on your team and remember he needs your attention and love too.

karnam

About me: I am the mother of 3 wonderful girls, wife to an amazing husband, blogger and positive change maker.

My background is in marketing and starting writing full time at the beginning of 2014.

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